fangirl story time

I wanted to share a story with all of you, which I find quite entertaining but also super embarrassing if I ever actually marry Nick Jonas and he reads this post.

So a few Sundays ago, Sept 17th to be exact, Nick was in town. For those who do not know, his birthday is the 16th. On his birthday, he performed at the Angels game. I contemplated going up until hours before the game. It didn’t really make sense with life to go – it was hours away, I couldn’t persuade anyone to go with me, I was going to a concert the next day in Anaheim, I had so much to do with school that I knew I would be tired … ALL SUCH STUPID EXCUSES CONSIDERING HE SANG INTRODUCING ME, LOVEBUG, AND OTHER GREAT SONGS. Meanwhile, my friend was there and was sending me a million snapchats. I decided not to watch them just yet.. I wanted to wait until she sent them all. I woke up early the next morning… went to church then went to get my nails done. Didn’t have time to check social media until my nails were done. So I proceeded to watch the snaps and I’m not kidding you, I started crying. THEY WERE BEAUTIFUL… his voice. Mind you, I have fangirled over this dumb boy for the past 11 years… we all have our person, right? A guy we just can’t stop fangirling no matter the age, right? Ok, don’t even lie to yourself.. so many of you love Harry Styles and Justin Bieber – I’m not judging you! And guys, idk just listen to the story.

ANYWAY, so I’m sitting there watching the snaps then bam, I get a text from my friend who is on her way to Disneyland, saying, “Nick is at Disney.” I say WHAT THE FREAK. I check Joe’s snap and insta story, then I check Nick’s and I start freaking out. I freak out texting her – glad she’s still my friend. I then text my mom and sister saying, “Last night Nick sang lovebug, who I am, and introducing me. Today, they are at Disneyland. I am actually crying I hate myself” (I just checked my texts so that is that real text. Am I dramatic or what?)

So roomies and I are all done getting our nails done and get in our cars. My mom calls me and says “go to Disneyland, theres a train at blank time.” And I start crying because mom supports this… I text my friend and she was like “if this was Drake, I would do it.” I contemplate this for a LONG time because like what?! why the heck am I freaking out like this?! Also, remember when I said I was going to a concert in Anaheim – well that was this night so I would have to make my other friend drive all the way to Anaheim alone. I texted her and called her but no answer… I drive to her work, walk in with watery eyes and said “Nick is at Disneyland right now. Can I go and can you meet me in Anaheim for the concert?” and she said “are you crying?!?!?!” I nodded and she said “go!!” and I walk out crying even more because HELL YA GIRL THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT IM LITERALLY PSYCHO. Next, I run home, grab clothes, book it to my parent’s house with MINUTES until the train left. I run to the train and the guy is like “oh why are you late”… BECAUSE I FREAKING SPED HERE AND I CANT BREATHE RIGHT NOW.

So I get on the train, I do my make up then I’m there. I’m in the uber almost to Disney went Joe posted that they were at Carsland. I basically run into California Adventures and I RUN to Carsland and I scope out the area… to the right of the sign, I see two guest service cast members and I look a little closer and just knew in my heart that it was them so I walk closer and just look around in their area. First, I see John Taylor and FREAK out because its THEM. GUYS ITS THEM. 11 YEARS LATER AND FINALLY THIS WILL BE THE DAY. (side note: I met Joe once and held Nick’s hand from afar for a few seconds so I haven’t had my Nick moment yet). Then their huge ass group starts walking out and then I see Frankie with two people and freak out some more. Then I see Joe in his white coat and hat and freak out again. Then I see a guy in all black with a black hat and I KNEW that had to be Nick. Then I watch them walk away and I didn’t wanna be creepIER and follow them so I walked around the other way and start running because I lost them. Then Michelle, the friend who told me he was there, called me asking where I was and I’m like RUNNING AFTER NICK WBU GIRL and she’s says “I just passed Joe and Nick isn’t with them” I DON’T CARE, DON’T BOTHER ME (jk haha) then suddenly Michelle and I basically run into each other and she tells me again that Nick wasn’t there and I said YES HE IS. And we run and see them again then they go onto Soarin’. So I tell Michelle to leave so I don’t make her go crazy and I just wait for them to come back out. There were two girls standing by where I am and they just reeked of Jonas fan girls, so I ask them and OH MY GOSH WERE THEY SASSY AND RUDE AND LIKE OK WE GOTTA STICK TOGETHER IN THIS. Then one says “they’re at Award Weiners…. Garbo posted a snap…” I check Garbo’s snap, Joe’s and Nick’s and I book it to that area. Then they get on the Guardian’s of the Galaxy ride and I freakin’ missed them again!!!!! And the day just gets sad from here …. their snaps aren’t loading, I’m running all around California Adventures… finally one posts… I run to Disneyland and run all around the park… finally their story loads and they’re at the exit… I run to the exit and all around the exit and they are NO WHERE TO BE FOUND. LIKE WHY CAN I NOT FIND THEM? SO MANY PEOPLE SAW THEM THAT DAY BUT NOT ME? I’m just telling myself it’s not my time yet… but it’ll happen soon… and I’ll tell you about it when it happens. So thank you, thank you for the support. Go after your dreams. And don’t give up. Right when you feel like giving up, remember why you started… keep goin’. Haha but no seriously. (And btw, I have a Disneyland pass so this isn’t THAAT crazy. It would be a different story if I didn’t have one.) One day, guys. Stay positive. Ellen put me on your show.

fear

I remember the summer my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, was the summer that we really changed our ways. My mom is the go-getter, hard worker type- luckily I get that from her. She kicked breast cancer’s ass like no other – she is the strongest woman I know and will continue to inspire me everyday. That summer, she shared the idea of me taking a semester off to intern close to home (Chicago) so I could be there for her – I was 20 at the time and TERRIFIED – I love my mom to death but taking a semester off; leaving the home I started in San Diego scared the CRAP out of me, I could not imagine doing that. My mom knew it was a crazy idea too – but that’s not the point… the point is the idea that this got us talking about me starting to plan for my future and to look into internships [its crazy to think back to that talk we had because I FAINTLY remember it – my dreams and goals were so different from what I know now and what I’ve achieved – life is crazy, man].  ANYWAY – to the point. The one thing I remember from that conversation was my mom saying that I can NOT have FEAR – I can not ask what if questions, I can’t wonder about what would happen if I did this or that – I just have to do it. And from that moment, I’m not kidding (yes, I’m dramatic but still I believe it), I would say thats the moment that I truly changed my life. From then on, I decided not to have any more fears (I still have them today bc I’m clearly human & not perfect, but the minute I start to doubt and worry and wonder, I tell myself to get over it and that its the only thing holding me back). Since then, if I want to do something, I frickin do it!! Because of that conversation, I had the strength to apply to the Disney College Program, spend 17 days in Europe with one professor and 13 students, spend 11 days wandering around Europe with one friend. I went to NYC with myself and a friend. I took an internship in San Francisco – YO GIRL IS KICKIN BUTT.

The San Francisco opportunity [btw, I’m in SF rn writing this blog post] was probably the hardest. The semester was coming to an end and I really wanted to lock down a summer Marketing internship – I worked hard to find the one that I did. It was in San Diego, so I could stay there for the summer (finally, I thought, my first summer in SD with all my friends). I was so excited for the summer. Then all of a sudden, a new opportunity comes my way. It’s super last minute, I have to tell the other internship that I can’t do it anymore, I have to tell my friends that once again I was leaving them, I have to find a place to live, I have to pack everything up all again – all within one week. I’m saying all of that stuff as if it actually upsets me ^ but honestly – I love always being on the go, I love packing up and just leaving. But the fact that I had my whole summer planned, and this came along with so many unsure factors, I was nervous.. scared.. stressed. Every feeling you could feel. But deep down, I wanted this more than anything. I wanted it to work out so badly. But that fear and those doubts was bringing me down and making me feel so weird. But thankfully, my parents were there to push me and to tell me to fight those fears. Here I am, about a month and a half in, and I frickin love it here. I lowkey wish I didn’t have to go back :/ I love working, I love the city, I love exploring, I love learning something new about myself everyday. I was hesitant – everyone was telling me that I would love San Francisco so much and I was mad at them for telling that; I felt like they were trying to persuade me and I wanted to figure out on my own if I did actually like it. And honestly, it took me a while to get into the groove of this city, and it was hard doing it alone (I can expand on this a little more in a different post). But I’m so so happy that I did it and I didn’t let that fear hold me back. I’ve learned SOO much and I don’t know when another opportunity like this, where I have learned so much, would’ve come up.

I’m telling you, fear is ALWAYS going to hold you back. You can’t let it. The more you don’t let fear get in the way, I really think the happier you will be. You will take more chances; and you’ll learn so much about yourself and what you are capable of. This life is short and man, you just gotta live it.

With that being said – one thing that I really want people and my friends to learn is to please don’t be scared to do what you really wanna do – you won’t achieve anything if you are constantly scared and holding yourself back. Say yes (to appropriate things only pls) and make your dreams come true! And along the way, stay positive! Positivity has such a big impact on your life and the minute you change your thoughts, you can really change your life. Yes I know, that’s saying a lot but I’m truly serious! We all have those days – trust me, I’m sad and I doubt myself all the time – but at the end of the day, I make sure to stay positive and keep a good attitude about things and remind myself that everything ALWAYS works out in the end (and if it doesn’t work out the way you want it, that means it wasn’t supposed to work out that way – aka it worked out the way it was supposed to). When I was younger, I made a fashion Instagram, Inspire and Shine because I wanted to inspire others to get out there, be themselves, wear what they wanna wear, do what they wanna do, be who they wanna be and just SHINE. Today, my friends and I make fun of how freakin cheesy that is, but I’m still here telling everyone the same thing – so don’t forget it 🙂

Go out there, make all your dreams come true and shineeeee! Xoxo

about me aka bellalaland

So here’s the story: I’m stuck in this world that I created in my mind – I’m not sure if I created it from a book that I read when I was younger – still to this day I am trying to figure out what the book was called and what it was about and if I ever actually read it, or if I just liked the way it looked because it was a cute fashionista in front of the Eiffel Tower. Or maybe this world I created came from the countless times I watched Beauty and the Beast as a kid, telling myself that I was Belle because I was “never part of any crowd, cause her heads up on some cloud.” So if you can’t tell, I am quite the dreamer.

Let me set the scene for you in this world I created. The location is Paris, France. The year is whatever year you want it to be. And the mood, is this awesome Spotify playlist I created.  This scene is VERY similar to the one from the Lizzie McGuire Movie – you know the one, where Paolo takes her to the designers to have them dress her and Supermodel is playing in the background. Yeah, so imagine yourself in a room similar to that – a whole bunch of creative people are around you – fashionistas, designers, photographers. You’re behind the scenes, just groovin’ with your fellow creative friends to the songs on my playlist. You’re a designer or stylist. And you’re successful and happy. As everyone in the Devil Wears Prada says, “a million girls would kill for this job.” Yeah well, thats the world I created for myself in my mind. Everyday I basically live my life as that character – whomever she may be. And thats what I call “bellalaland” – how lame, right? Well, I like it 🙂

There’s this other side of bellalaland that is all about magic, happiness and positivity – you could call it Disney World/land or we could just continue with it being bellalaland – I wouldn’t say I’m THAT obsessed with Disney, yes I’m obsessed – but I’m obsessed with how it makes you feel. I’m obsessed with the idea that Walt created that is never going to die because it is so strong. I’m probably the cheesiest person you will ever meet – I truly think I get inspired by anything – my stomach will feel all gooey or I will tear up at the LITTLEST and nicest things and I instantly feel inspired – I don’t think its a bad thing, I love being this cheesy. But because I am still a 22 year old with a young soul, that just can’t seem to grow up – I’m stuck in this lalaland where everything is good and happy. I fangirl over such little things. I remember this one day so clearly – it was my second to last day going to Disney World as a Cast Member. 4/5 roommates were at Magic Kingdom that night – we were watching Wishes for our very last time (before these roommates, I never cared for fireworks – my excuse was that they hurt my eyes. Someone made me watch Wishes my first week at Disney and it was the greatest thing I’ve done in those months ANYWAY-) we were watching Wishes, and at some point we all started crying and hugging each other because those 6 months were coming to an end… I was thinking to myself “well shit, all of my dreams have come true – I traveled to Europe, I finally worked at Disney World, my childhood dreams have come true, what am I supposed to do now?” then literally SECONDS later, Jiminy Cricket goes, “The best part is, you’ll never run out of wishes” and MAN – that touched me. I knew then and there that I will continue to make new wishes, goals and plans and I WILL make them come true 🙂

(also when i say “never grow up” – I don’t mean be a child forever – I think I mean it more in a sense of just believing in those little things that makes a child happy. I am bad at paying attention to the bad in the world, I don’t know anything about the real world (politics n shiz, or somethin) – I probably should but I just don’t have the time or energy to put into that stuff. I would much rather be completely content sitting in a field listening to Disney or laying in my bed, watching a movie that I’ve seen a million times, and probably watched the night before.)

So here is to introducing you to bellalaland… I hope through my thoughts, goals, motivations, travels and other random things, I can inspire you. Enjoy 🙂