fear

I remember the summer my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, was the summer that we really changed our ways. My mom is the go-getter, hard worker type- luckily I get that from her. She kicked breast cancer’s ass like no other – she is the strongest woman I know and will continue to inspire me everyday.

That summer, she shared the idea of me taking a semester off to intern close to home (Chicago) so I could be there for her – I was 20 at the time and TERRIFIED – I love my mom to death but taking a semester off; leaving the home I started in San Diego scared the CRAP out of me, I could not imagine doing that. My mom knew it was a crazy idea too – but that’s not the point… the point is the idea that this got us talking about me starting to plan for my future and to look into internships [its crazy to think back to that talk we had because I FAINTLY remember it – my dreams and goals were so different from what I know now and what I’ve achieved – life is crazy, man].  ANYWAY – to the point. The one thing I remember from that conversation was my mom saying that I can NOT have FEAR – I can not ask what if questions, I can’t wonder about what would happen if I did this or that – I just have to do it. And from that moment, I’m not kidding (yes, I’m dramatic but still I believe it), I would say thats the moment that I truly changed my life. From then on, I decided not to have any more fears (I still have them today bc I’m clearly human & not perfect, but the minute I start to doubt and worry and wonder, I tell myself to get over it and that its the only thing holding me back). Since then, if I want to do something, I frickin do it!! Because of that conversation, I had the strength to apply to the Disney College Program, spend 17 days in Europe with one professor and 13 students, spend 11 days wandering around Europe with one friend. I went to NYC with myself and a friend. I took an internship in San Francisco – YO GIRL IS KICKIN BUTT.

The San Francisco opportunity [btw, I’m in SF rn writing this blog post] was probably the hardest. The semester was coming to an end and I really wanted to lock down a summer Marketing internship – I worked hard to find the one that I did. It was in San Diego, so I could stay there for the summer (finally, I thought, my first summer in SD with all my friends). I was so excited for the summer. Then all of a sudden, a new opportunity comes my way. It’s super last minute, I have to tell the other internship that I can’t do it anymore, I have to tell my friends that once again I was leaving them, I have to find a place to live, I have to pack everything up all again – all within one week. I’m saying all of that stuff as if it actually upsets me ^ but honestly – I love always being on the go, I love packing up and just leaving. But the fact that I had my whole summer planned, and this came along with so many unsure factors, I was nervous.. scared.. stressed. Every feeling you could feel. But deep down, I wanted this more than anything. I wanted it to work out so badly. But that fear and those doubts was bringing me down and making me feel so weird. But thankfully, my parents were there to push me and to tell me to fight those fears. Here I am, about a month and a half in, and I frickin love it here. I lowkey wish I didn’t have to go back I love working, I love the city, I love exploring, I love learning something new about myself everyday. I was hesitant – everyone was telling me that I would love San Francisco so much and I was mad at them for telling that; I felt like they were trying to persuade me and I wanted to figure out on my own if I did actually like it. And honestly, it took me a while to get into the groove of this city, and it was hard doing it alone (I can expand on this a little more in a different post). But I’m so so happy that I did it and I didn’t let that fear hold me back. I’ve learned SOO much and I don’t know when another opportunity like this, where I have learned so much, would’ve come up.

I’m telling you, fear is ALWAYS going to hold you back. You can’t let it. The more you don’t let fear get in the way, I really think the happier you will be. You will take more chances; and you’ll learn so much about yourself and what you are capable of. This life is short and man, you just gotta live it.

With that being said – one thing that I really want people and my friends to learn is to please don’t be scared to do what you really wanna do – you won’t achieve anything if you are constantly scared and holding yourself back. Say yes (to appropriate things only pls) and make your dreams come true! And along the way, stay positive! Positivity has such a big impact on your life and the minute you change your thoughts, you can really change your life. Yes I know, that’s saying a lot but I’m truly serious! We all have those days – trust me, I’m sad and I doubt myself all the time – but at the end of the day, I make sure to stay positive and keep a good attitude about things and remind myself that everything ALWAYS works out in the end (and if it doesn’t work out the way you want it, that means it wasn’t supposed to work out that way – aka it worked out the way it was supposed to). When I was younger, I made a fashion Instagram, Inspire and Shine because I wanted to inspire others to get out there, be themselves, wear what they wanna wear, do what they wanna do, be who they wanna be and just SHINE. Today, my friends and I make fun of how freakin cheesy that is, but I’m still here telling everyone the same thing – so don’t forget it 🙂

Go out there, make all your dreams come true and shineeeee! Xoxo